If Vision Is The Only Validation, Then Most Of My Life Isn't Real…

If Vision Is The Only Validation, Then Most Of My Life Isn't Real…

By- Adrija Gupta

I’m going crazy. My head aches, my legs are injured, I feel gross and I’m confused. I don’t know what to do at all. My mind is playing games with me, dirty games, once again…now what does that make me? Where do I stand then? Why do I have such a swinging mind? Why can’t I like one substance forever? The only thing that has been constant with me is Music, nothing else has been…I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should believe my mind when it says that I’m still very small to think too much and give myself and mu mind a freaking break. But I’m not able to do that either. I’m screwed, in short. Confused state of mind is what I have, and my brain is in agony, and it’s so much that physically I feel that I’m drowning. I’m trying to blame myself, but somewhere in a dark corner, a feeling is not letting me do that too, telling me that it’s not my fault that I’m designed this way.

All I need right now is a heavy dose of psychedelic music, hat will help for sure. I need to take a break from myself. I’m thinking too much and that is the problem. But there is no one physically around me to stop me from doing that. It’s like there’s a whirlwind inside my brain and it hurts. I can literally feel it when I close and shrink my eyes. I hope that when I open my eyes it’ll all go away like a nightmare, but it doesn’t. I’m confused with my own self now. I don’t know what my own feelings mean anymore, I need a break…aaarrrggghhh!

Wish I could shout out, scream to the core, maybe then I’ll feel good, better…

If vision is the only validation, then most of my life isn’t real…

BLOOD LUST…Vampire’s point of view…

BLOOD LUST…Vampire’s point of view…

By- Adrija Gupta

You’re alluring me towards

The crimson glow of your eyes.

Seems like you’re the only one emitting

In this dim lit room.

I might just come so close to you

That you might feel shy.

But you still don’t know that

I might take you to your doom.

Oh, you’ve been my victim from

The first light that I saw you.

Your aroma, so luscious that

 My head feels light.

Everything’s going the way I want

It to go like, you’re trapped.

You’re still smiling, I might

As well tell you, next moment’s not bright.

You’re walking slowly with

That swift swing of yours.

Cutting the swarm so graciously,

Looking straight into my eyes.

You move right into the tavern for

Some more red wine to pour.

You might think that I might

Take you to heaven, dear, I lied.

You seem not to have taken your

Eyes off me; neither have I.

The closer you get, clearer

Becomes the lust in your eyes.

Oh, I can see your cheeks turn red,

As you stand right in front of me.

Lust has overtaken me too,

But for your blood not body, I wouldn’t lie.

If only I was human, I would

Surely fall for you dear.

But right now I don’t have

That desire nor that feeling.

If only you could open your eyes

And see the real me, things would be clear.

It’s funny how I don’t want

To see you naked, but bleeding.

By the end of this night

You will be mine.

Lust is in the air, only it’s

A bit complex for me.

You can still save yourself if you want to,

But your eyes are still closed.

I’m craving for your blood not

Body, it’s blood lust you see…

The Shell

The Shell

By- Adrija Gupta

There are clouds in your eyes,

And there’s the bright sun you can’t see.

There is a grave volume right in front of you,

But there are words inside that you can’t read.

You only hear what all the birds tweet,

But the emigrated robin you don’t believe.

You just see it’s red breast and brown wings,

Very few of you know that it also sings.

You see a little girl weep by the street,

You see blood streaming from her knees, you console.

Your job is well done here, you are satisfied deep,

But you’ll never know that it’s the cry of acceptance from her eyes she bleeds.

Black always isn’t evil just as white always isn’t the holy light,

Thump goes your heart and so does everybody’s hearts beat.

Sharp-cold ice can cut through your flesh and make you bleed,

But if you see, it too can melt with a bit of compassionate heat.

It’s funny you understand the worth when things are gone,

You are not ready to accept things for what they are.

You always yearn for changes and see the wrongs,

But when it’s gone, its return is all that you long.

Character is something you can point out easily,

Seeing that little girl sob and blue makes you happy.

All the tears she sheds in the dark night,

But the fake smile on her face in the day light is all you see.

To tell the truth,

It’s the shell you see,

Not exactly me…

Confused State Of Mind- Weird Me

Confused State Of Mind- Weird Me

By- Adrija Gupta

My head couldn’t be heftier,

But what can I say? It’s the usual me.

Well, normally, obscurely,

I am the weird one you see.

I can sense the change coming,

It’s going to be gargantuan I know.

Everything seems vague,

Feels like I am standing still from a decade or so.

Words aren’t pouring out so easily this time,

What should I do to get what I need?

Shedding saline won’t help much,

I’m walking even though I don’t know where this path leads.

Here’s the funny part, I don’t know what I need,

I want to cry but I don’t have a particular reason for it.

I didn’t know time is slower than tortoise!

I know I’m going to remember every bit.

Wish I could jump off a cliff and feel the thrill,

Sleeping at queer time would be good too.

Stuffing me with ice-cream doesn’t help either.

Everything’s so bizarre; I don’t know what to do!

If I scream I’ll get big ‘Shut Up’s!

But do I really care? No I don’t.

Many want me to change and be the way they are,

But will I ever? No I won’t.

No particular reason, don’t know what I am frustrated about,

I want to shake and break a lot of heads.

I am lost, I am clueless,

There are many I want dead.

I see dreams that I can make no sense of,

I wonder at times if what I see is real.

At times I start thinking of old times,

Times when I couldn’t afford one time meal.

Am I happy now? Yes I am,

Then why am I breaking my head over nothing?!

You call me crazy, mad, I don’t mind,

If I say I’m not human, you’ll probably say I’m bluffing.

I’m not afraid of the change that’s coming at all,

I have done this more than a dozen times before.

I’m really confused; I don’t know what to feel,

And this feeling less feeling is eating me to the core.

Are the roses really red? Am I really me?

All that we see, is all of it real? Even what we see?

All stupid questions coming in my mind,

Told you I’m screwed, are you laughing as you read?

The situation is rough with roving like this,

I am sick of it now and want to stop.

I don’t really know what fate has in for me,

It all makes me stronger as long as it doesn’t kill me.

As time will fly, I’ll sweat, I’ll bleed,

I am not regretful of any of my deeds.

I look in the mirror and this is what I see,

I see me, and I promise I’ll remain the same weird me.

The Dark Encounter

The Dark Encounter

By- Adrija Gupta

The sogginess, and the mossy smell,

My feet feel wet and go deep down the earth.

The chill in my bones and my thumping heart,

I quite like this place, this I can tell.

Heavenly good or ruthlessly bad,

Can’t choose one for this place.

I am a bit shaky; it seems like a game,

A maze of mind and I don’t feel clad.

It’s very intimidating yet dark,

I can see the sun streaming down.

Rays making its way through the trees brown,

If it’s a dream, it’s leaving its mark.

The scars I’m getting from the sharp shrubs around,

It’s kind of nice to feel the stinging pain.

The taste of my blood and the smell of it,

All of it makes me happy dizzy, I might just fall on the ground.

I am starting to feel the auras around,

Even the footsteps of the witty squirrels seem too loud.

Though the sun’s streaming down, there’s more of clouds,

I can hear faint bass far away, I like the sound.

I keep striding but the woodland doesn’t seem to end,

It’s twilight now, and oh! How breathtaking it is.

The verve is too much for me to take, how am I supposed to react to this?

The pain in my heart, seems like it’s healing, but is it suppose to mend?

I take a deep breathe and smell the damp air,

Feel smaller than a dot in comparison to the universe.

Though this place is sullen, it isn’t a curse,

The positive darkness I feel, it’s something I can’t share.

There is something alien inside me, can’t sat what it is.

It’s kind of painful, but in a good way.

And this twinge is so desirable; I want it more as it may,

I am out of my mind and am in a state of bliss.

This feeling is so inky, very deep, very rare,

Only a handful gets this, God’s children you may say.

The ground feels wet on my back as I lay,

I might warn you, yet if you want to come, do dare.

If it’s dream, don’t wake me, it feels so right,

Though there’s not a single human soul around me, I am not alone.

It’s a dark craving and I am prone,

Feels like I have finally found the mighty light bright.

TWINSHIP OF LOVE…The Panorama of Today

TWINSHIP OF LOVE…The Panorama of Today

By- Adrija Gupta

A very enthralling juncture of entry into this very special world dwelled by today’s so called lovers is the bewildering fact that they usually don’t say “I’ll always love you” but easily say “I love you” in what were once called love affairs. Another thing is that when couples break up, they have it the clean and easy way, no damage, no fault, at which they are adept. This is supposed to be rectitude, respect for the so called partners’ freedom. But remember, this is not how it has to be every time!

Conceivably many people don’t say “I love you” because they are honest. Maybe they don’t experience love; they confuse it with sex, with their minds too obsessed with their own fates to be victimized by love’s insane self forgetting and selflessness, the last of the authentic fanaticisms.

People today are afraid of making commitments, but the fact is that, LOVE IS COMMITMENT and so much more. Commitment is a word we usually use in our intellectual modernity to signify the absence of any real motives in the soul for moral dedication and unconditional things. Commitment is motiveless, unasked for, because the real passions are all low and covetous. A person may be sexually attracted towards the other, but that does not mean that it’s going to generate sufficient impulse for real and long lasting concern for that person.

Too much gravity on authentic things has made it impossible to trust one’s hunch, and too much seriousness about sex has made it impossible to take sex seriously.

When marriage takes place, it does not seem to come from a decision and a conscious will to take responsibilities.

Usually the scene is this way. The couple lives together for a long time, and by an almost invisible process, they find themselves married, as if they have just entered their nightmares. But then again, it does not have to be this way.

People tell such rational things about possessiveness and jealousy and so much about their dreams about the future. But when it comes to dreams about the future with a partner, they have none. They all look so sensible and seem to live in harmony with a liberal society, I feel that this planet’s full of robots without any tint of emotions. This conviction, only works for people who have had no experience of the true feelings, have never loved, have abstracted from the weave of life. There’s a huge lack of passion, hope, sense of the twin ship of love and death. Many couples who have lived together throughout their college years, leave each other with a handshake and move out into life like it was some kind of a deal. What happened to the phrase “Kill for Love”?!

Women love freedom and their capacity to chart an independent course for themselves, But they are mostly dubious that they are being used. Distrust gradually spreads through the apparently easy commerce between the sexes. There is an awful lot of bearing up, surely disagreeable, though nothing earthshaking.

They say they are in a “Relationship”. A relationship as a deal without love is what they have. Love suggests something wonderful, exciting, positive and firmly seated in the passions. They relationship that they have is gray, without a definite shape or form, without a given content, and tentative. You work in that sort of relationship, whereas love takes care of itself.

Most people wan to be wholes, but they also long to be parts. This is the reason why conversations about relationships turn out to be abstract, useless, with its whole content stored in a jar labelled “Commitment”. But again, it doesn’t have to be this way. When it comes to pure love, a person accepts the other for what they are. Many people give absentmindedness as the reason for their breakups. Here’s the twist, if it’s really love, the person will take care of the partner even more because he’ll know that his partner is absentminded, he won’t run away, and the reason behind this would be true, pure, unconditional love, because no matter what, he knows that he loves his partner anyway.

Talking of possessiveness, it is to be rooted out. It is this that becomes the root of many fights.

The phrase “He won’t respect you or marry you if you give him what he wants too easily”, turns out to be the truest and the most probing analysis of the current world. Yet, everything still remains so shallow, with the meaning of real love, lost.

People can say they don’t care, but everyone and they best of all, knows that they are being only half truthful with themselves.

In the end the fact remains a fact “True Love Conquers All”…

      

The Metaphysical Postulate

The Metaphysical Postulate

By- Adrija Gupta

Has anyone ever considered the abstract question, “Why do most forms of art moves us so strangely, be it music, dance, art, fashion, and etcetera?”

It is very much possible but not certain that a piece of art moves us intensely because it expresses the sentiments of the artist. Conceivably the tune of a song tells us the mood of the composer, or the elements in an abstract piece of work of a painter shows his state of mind. And if this is the case then material beauty such as the beauty of a rose, does not move most of us the way a piece of art does. Though it is beautiful, but it is not eloquent. It does move us, but not aesthetically. The word, “Aesthetics” derives from a Greek word for perception, and is typically used to refer to what is valuable about experiences as perceptual experiences. It is most commonly used to refer to what is visually and auditory pleasing.

The difference between the “expressive art” and “material beauty” is that expressive art imparts the emotions felt by the artist and that material beauty implies nothing.

So from where and how does an artist feel the emotions that he expresses? Sometimes material beauty plays its part here. The observation of natural beauty is the immediate cause of artists’ sentiments most of the time. Then are we suppose to assume that an artist feels or sometimes feel for material beauty what we fell for a work of art? Is it possible that at times for an artist, material beauty is somehow expressive that is capable of evoking aesthetic emotion? Does the artist see a whole new thing behind it as we feel something behind the forms of a work of art? Should we assume that whatever emotion that an artist feels is an aesthetic emotion felt for something significant which usually escapes our naked eyes?

We usually believe the artist when they tell us that they do not create works of art to gain attention, but only because they materialize a particular kind of feeling. And what is this feeling particularly; they find it hard to explain, because every experience differs from person to person.

From time to time, when an artist, let’s say a painter, looks at things, he infers them as pure forms in certain relations to each other, and feels sentiments for them as such. Now these are his moments of inspiration, which is followed by his want to express what he felt. The sentiments that the artist feels in the moment of inspiration is not for the object seen as means, like if an artist views a wooden chair, he isn’t seeing it as an furniture to sit on, but he sees it as pure form, that is, as ends in themselves, like he views its angles, curves, sees it in lines and colors.

To see objects as pure forms is to see them as ends in themselves.

Everybody I suppose often gets a vision of material objects as pure forms. It is even possible and probable that we see them with the eye of an artist. Most of us, once in our lives have had a sudden vision of a landscape as pure form. For once, instead of seeing it as fields and sky and trees, we have felt it as lines and colors. And in that very moment, had we not won a tremor indistinguishable from what we feel for art? And if this is the case, then it is clear that the tremor we felt for material beauty is a thrill that only a piece of art can give, just by seeing it in lines and colors. We can say that having see that in pure form, having freed it from all casual interests, from all that could have been acquired of its commercial value, the artist in the end sees it in pure form instead of means.

We are profoundly moved by certain art works because the artist can express his feelings through lines and colors, music and etcetera as an emotion felt for reality which reveals itself through the mediums of art.

The sentiments that an artist feels in his moment of inspiration, that everyone else feel rarely when we view objects artistically, and that many of us feel when we admire works of art, are of the same kind. All would be sentiments felt for reality, revealing itself through pure form via medium of art. 

Terra Incognita (Latin- Unknown Territory)

Terra Incognita

(Latin- Unknown Territory)

By- Adrija Gupta

It’s not really a new world,

That I am infiltrating in.

I am just wondering hard,

What was I to get of my sins?

Were they really sins?

Oh, I don’t think so.

Turning from a juvenile to an almost mistress,

Almost everyone makes mistakes as they grow.

As I take each heavy step,

As I start walking the precept lines,

I am a bit shaky.

Do I really want to follow a decision that’s not mine?

But this is the point when everyone starts to get me wrong.

I didn’t know crossing this path would be so hard,

Though I knew the road was long.

It’s time for me to play the poker cards.

Folks have such high hopes and anticipation,

Why? Tell me the reason why,

Why can’t I be different? Is it their obsession?

I wish it could all be my way as I cry.

But Alas! I realize, I do have to compromise,

After all they outnumber me, don’t they?

There are good, there are bad,

They have experienced it all as they say.

But yet there is frenzy in my mind,

I guess my age is to be condemned.

Makes me feel to walk out of the line,

But trust me, in a good way; no one has to be ashamed.

I am a bit shaky you see,

As I enter this unknown territory.

Full of grown ups and statesmanship.

I know I’ll find my way right to the top,

And be happy for eternity.

This disguised world is indeed funny,

We always don’t get what we want, do we?

I know I will, I’ll somehow make it happen for me,

I’ll find my way to you, you’ll see.

I don’t ask for much, just cherish of me,

Just give a hand and don’t let me turn a clone,

Of anyone at all,

As I enter the “Terra Incognita” alone…

HUGS TO HOMOS “They deserve it…”

HUGS TO HOMOS

“They deserve it…”

By- Adrija Gupta

What I am about to say is a very big thing. Many people may even hate me and my views after reading this. But today I would like to say one thing, “I don’t care!”

This whole thing started in a dinner when I was out with my family. Everything was going on fine when my eleven year old brother abrupt, “What if I turn out to be a gay mom, when I grow up?

Being the most talkative one, I was the one to give the reply at once, “It’s very much possible!”

And just for saying this much, I was demeaned by my very own parents in front of everyone, and my dad’s high volume got tears rolling down my cheeks. But that is not the point. This is not at all the point that I want to bring in front of the world. The main juncture that I want to highlight is magnanimousness, the humanity as in people’s views on “Homosexuality”.

Here’s a question to all, “Are we even humans? And if we are, do we have the right to judge others?”

Certainly and absolutely not!

First and foremost, I would like to factorize one thing and that is that nobody has control over emotions and feelings. It’s a big fact and nobody can deny it.

People fall in Love, and what they feel is something that everyone expresses in their own ways. But the fact remains that they don’t plan to fall n Love. It just happens.

Keeping the same thing in mind, why can’t we apply the same theory for the homosexuals? Are they not human beings? Don’t they come from their mothers’ wombs?

They are just like everyone else, and just like everyone else, they too have feelings and no control over them and for God’s sake, they fall in Love too!

This is 21^st century people! And we have to accept this! And the biggest thing is that there is nothing wrong in this.

This is a humble request to all the gay and lesbian haters please do not proceed further, because you may not acknowledge the facts of today that I will be presenting here.

Though I am straight myself, I fully support the same-sex relationships. And the lowdown that the straights outnumber the homosexuals does not make them evil or unacceptable. And I am sure there are thousands and millions out there of our growing population who are with me on this.

One more chore is that straights are actually increasing the population out there saying that, “This is how it is suppose to be.” I don’t understand how gay and lesbian couples are harming mother Earth by adopting children!

There is something called love. If we have the right to fall in Love, so do they! If they choose to spend their lives with someone, they have every right to do so and one right that nobody has is to stop them from living their own happy lives. I mean you are not the one who pays for their living, do you? Then why do you care?

See, it’s just that I want to make sure that there are and will be enough people beside them. I am one of the millions for sure.

It’s just that they are people too.

And just remember one thing; they have a beating heart too… 

TEEN SCREAM “Opposites attract? Not really!!!”

TEEN SCREAM

“Opposites attract? Not really!!!”

By- Adrija Gupta

Every other day we get to hear a teen scream, “I have had enough! It’s over!”

Breakups seem more relevant than make ups today. Ever wondered what exactly is the reason? What is the root cause?

According to science, opposites attract, but do they really? Yes, this theory goes for every single particle, but what about human mind? And especially a teen mind?

Adolescents are said to have the most fluctuating mindsets, and the 21^st century juveniles obviously ranks up to number one in this category. Just think of a love story. Everyone loves love stories. The magic moments, the magical place, the skipping heartbeats, feeling of adrenaline running through the blood, the excitement, and the most important, commitment to a person and being ready to sacrifice anything at all for the loved ones. Well, yes, although these are the main ingredients of a successful love story, these are hardly to be encountered in this century. The good old days where love and emotions had the priority, are gone…

Now are the days to reach the top, the world of hard competition, where each and every single second a juvenile takes a hard decision either about their family matters, friends or love life.

For most of the teens, the word that circles their heads almost all the time is no other than “CAREER”. Not a single person desired to end up in a slum, luxuries now seems to be a necessity, and thus, the want to be on the top reeves up the engine of the hard decision making of the teens.

Now the real question comes in terms of teen relationships, do opposites really attract?

As per the latest scenario, according to the observers, when a girl and boy get to spend more time together, they get to know each other. Then they find themselves around each other almost 24X7, not actually living in the real world out of their consciousness, they create a world of their own. The reason that they are spending so much time together, without realizing they miss out small tit-bits of their own personal lives, they get attracted towards each other.

Now here come two situations.

First case: The girl and the boy of similar kind.

Second case: The girl and the boy of total contrasting natures.

Attracting is the twitch to every relation, whether it leads to disaster or ecstasy. Talking of the second case when the girl and the boy are totally different from each other, 7% couples actually makes it till the end, other 93% are left with agony.

The whole thing actually goes like this, when girl and the boy starts getting attracted towards each other, they tend to spend more and more time with the one. And when they start finding out their likes and dislikes, they end up with the conclusion that actually they are very different people. But here enticement plays its part. Even though knowing the fact that their partner is North Pole and she or he himself is South Pole, they discard theses simple yet very dominant points in the name of so called “Love”. But us that real Love?

The fact is that it is not.

In the beginning of such relationships, the couples seem to be on the seventh heaven, giving each and every second that they spare to each other, not caring what’s going on in the world around them, giving up their own interests that they have had and lived with for years just for few more hours to spend together, not realizing the end of it all. Still everything goes on fine and all of it seems just perfect.

Here comes another fact, the longest relationship that a man ever had, is and was and will be the relationship with himself. Now this very point finds its way into the perfect feel of the perfect relationship of the couples, somehow or the other, by hook or by crook, And this is when the calm sea of Love and affection starts turning into a baneful storm.

Now till this point, it is the same with both the cases with the only difference that this all happens with the couples having similar natures too. But this is where the difference is made by the couples having minds.

Coming back to the second case, the thing that happens is that both the people realizes that they have actually come away from their own selves so much that they hardly get to see even a bit of themselves in the mirror. The only difference is that who so ever realizes first, is called the criminal.

After having lost in the world filled with so called love, a person starts missing the old habits and that’s when they start apprehending that they have actually missed a lot of small tit-bits, all coming together forming a heap of regret. The regret of loosing oneself so much into the other that not a single trait of the real self is found. And this is the point when one starts reacting to even small things, one gets irritated very soon, the snore of the partner which seemed the cutest sound ever heard, now starts seeming as the most exasperating noise that is not letting you sleep…it is not actually the snore of the partner that is not letting you sleep, it is the new got regret that is at its work. And this is the point when everything starts to fall apart and the teen scream’s heard, “WE ARE DONE HERE!”

But this is not true love. Love is the most beautiful feeling that a person can feel, so powerful, so enchanting that it is considered the closest thing to magic.

And this true love is seen in the first case, when a girl and a boy of similar nature come together.

When the happy couples of first case starts realizing they have had a way better relationships with themselves, they too get frustrated and act weirdly. But the big difference comes here and that is, instead of parting away, they, as per observers, seem to solve it out. Now this is only possible because both of them are similar. The problem that one is facing, his or her partner is going through the same and thus is able to relate to the problem better than the second case.

When the couples start realizing that they are actually missing the old self, they start giving to themselves without breaking up. Now this situation is only made possible because the partners are of same kind and thus seem to go through this almost at the same time. They are also able to do this because they are able to externalize that their mates aye analogous to them and thus must be going through the same emotional flood. And they come to a conclusion with the result that permits both of them to get enough of each other to satisfy their love and their own interests.

Instead of giving every single second to each other, they return to their old schedule a bit. They are able to balance their own wants and mate’s wants.

Now here comes a very material aspect which is required for the relationships to work out. And that is mutual trust. And this is found in most of the couples of the first case. They are not scared of loosing their partners because of the less time they are spending together. But they relish the quality time that they spend together.

When this mutual trust is present in a couple, one knows that even after doing all that their partners want, satisfying himself or herself, he or she will be back home to the warm Love. The reality behind this is that when a person is satisfied with all he does, he is happy. And when he is happy, there is no place for frustration and irritation. And when there is no place for frustration and irritation, the couples boom with Love, mutual understanding, and most important, mutual trust.

With the world developing rapidly, the teens are maturing in the same pace mentally. And this very concrete truth, they seem to understand quite easily, the only difference is that everyone gets it, but no one has the solution to it. It is nothing but TRUST. Only the ones with real minds get through it all and end up having a great life after all.

Nevertheless, exceptions are always there….

It’s a chance we got to take; it’s on us to make the right choice. 

 

One Question

One Question

By- Adrija Gupta

I am confused.

With myself,

And the way I feel.

It’s just that I like you.

And I just want to ask,

Do you like me too?

Should I hold this feeling?

Or should I let you know?

My love to you, should I show?

I don’t tell you but,

I think about you all the time.

And I also know that,

It isn’t a crime.

You bring smile on my face,

When I am down.

Even though I irritate you,

You don’t seem to frown.

It’s hard to hold back,

This deep feeling of mine.

For you I feel.

And truly saying, it is real.

I long to just hear your voice.

And I flow along with what you say.

Wish I could embrace you,

With my true love ray.

But then how should I say,

What I feel for you?

My heart pounds when we talk,

Telling you the truth,

How am I supposed to do?

I don’t know but,

If my faint voice ever reaches you,

Just know that this is Love.

And it is very true.

But when shall I tell you?

Tomorrow? But then,

It never comes!

Not to lie, I am nervous.

My heart’s pounding fast.

Just to name some.

If I just smile at you,

Will you get what I feel for you?

Will you ever understand?

That I am in Love with you.

Here comes just one question,

I am in Love with you.

I just want to ask,

Do you Love me too?

The Empty Feeling In Train

The Empty Feeling In Train
By- Adrija Gupta
This piece was written by me on 18th of August 2010 while travelling on a train.......

This empty feeling is damn toxicating and is killing me. Even though my eyes don't show any signs of raging tears, my heart is crying, crying in such a way that I am feeling my heart shrink and bearing the pain of a shrinking heart is unbearably unbearable.
All I can do right now is that look at the moon through this faded night sky and think of him, give a flying kiss to the moon which I know will surely give my kiss to him, who is looking at the moon right now, I am sure of it.
Five more days with this same feeling, I am sure to become a living mechanical puppet unable to feel anything. I wish i could just feel his hand on my head right at this moment, it would give me just so much strength, so much joy that I would be able to sleep in the night knowing that he is right beside me, watching over me.
I see his face in this world of loneliness. His voice, a single word from his mouth will play a medicine to a feverish infant.
I am just wondering, how can this girl fall so deeply in love that she is ready to jump off this train that she is in??? How could I be so strong???
I know that he is thinking of me too. If I could just gaze at him...
This empty toxicating feeling is just killing me.
I know that these tear drops value, cause each and every drop contains compressed feelings of mine for him.
And as they roll down my cheeks, I just wish his enchanting hand could be there to wipe them off.
This empty toxicating feeling is just killing me...

Realization

Realization
By-Adrija gupta


Though my own life has barely started,
At times my own mind plays games.
Games that I don’t really understand,
Games that makes me ashamed.

I must confess, I am not perfect.
Nor am I good, nor am I bad.
This mind game has hanged me in between,
Alas! I feel blue and sad!

Could it be a simple mistake?
That I make every time?
Or is it really a big illusion,
To the people that I am kind?

So many times I find myself in darkness,
My mind and thoughts so black.
As black as black ebony.
Makes me feel, its happiness that I lack.

But slowly as time passes by,
I realize that I am stronger.
Much of what I remember now,
There are dozen reasons behind my anger.

One question that troubles me the most
The question unanswerable,
The question so spooky,
Makes me gulp and see my deeds.

Am I really bad?
Not exactly a spoilt child I’ve been.
At times truth seems clad,
It’s the state of mind I’ve always been in.

Though I’m rude time and again.
I speak ill right in front of them.
Use to be in dark and cry,
Now these reasons seem so lame.

I admit I have been wrong my mother!
And father, I have been rude.
And brother, even though I love you so,
All the love I have failed to show.

Should I be hanged?
Or should I be crushed?
What I deserve,
You tell me God.

I ‘m happy I played a mother to you,
My sweet beloved brother,
I’m happy that I am stronger,
Even though I struggled for bread and butter.

The tender touch of your hand, O mother,
When I laid on the bed,
Burning like fire.
Now, happy tears I shed.

Father, all the statements that I have cut,
I took time to realize,
The slap I got for my love,
I realized, you were right.

All the way through these years,
What I have grown up to be,
I was nothing but mere clay.
You all made me, you see.

I am proud of what I am now,
Trying my best to make you smile.
I know I have dozen faults,
Yet I know I’ll succeed and cross the Nile.

All I am together, daughter, friend, sister.
And someday, maybe lover.
One thing I have learned to do,
The tears are for me to cover.

After all this time I realized,
That I am happy the way I am.
I’ll never be able to payback my bearers.
It’s just the way it has to be.
Parents, you made me what I am, you see……

RIP MICHEAL JACKSON

RIP MICHEAL JACKSON... first of all...to all the MJ haters....pls dont proceed cause this u may not like....... 
Now coming to the main point..........THE LEGEND, MICHEAL JACKSON.....is no more in between us......under the same sky that we all live......
its been a year since he passed away.......world has seriously lost a jem.....
i therefore show all my love and gratitude to micheal today......
many of you may not even know this......but he has been through a lot..A LOT!!!!!!well the only problem is that people overlooked them and saw the bad side......why????everybody has bad side!!!I MYSELF IS FULL OF BADS!!!!N I DONT DENY THAT....but PLEASE PEOPLE..............FOR THIS ONE DAY........mourn for a minute for MJ..he deserves that..... From being beaten up by his father for money to the skin diesease that killed him.....which according to people was plastic surgery(Comeon ppl open ur eyes!!!he was a human too!!!!!!! arent u!!!!) as for me..........i did cry the same day last year...same goes for my father, who is a musician.....and today this year......i did shed few drops....but i am going to contribute the concert today eve that i am going to do to MJ...............
MICHEAL JACKSON......YOU ROCK!!!! AND YOU WILL ALWAYS LIVE FOREVER MORE IN OUR HEARST NO MATTER HOW MANY HATERS YOU HAVE..(P.S. these hates know nothing of music....n just sees negativity everywhere.....)
MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE..........

AND PEOPLE.......listen to HEAL THE WORLD by him....you will come to know what he was......and just try once to create something of that sort........you will realize what depth he had......
THIS DAY IS FOR U MICHEAL>>>>>AND MY CONCERT TODAY IS IN UR NAME..........
you shall live forever in my heart.......

Confused state of mind......

This is my brother Kaustav. I am missing him so much today.........
You know i was just thinking, what do i name my life??? I mean whatever has happened to me from the day that i came to this world?I don't know if i am sad or happy at this moment.Have i lost myself??? or have i just found myself?????
   I don't even know why am i getting such a feeling right now. There are just so many questions arising in my mind right now.If anyone reads all these, will that person understand the intensity of all the feelings that i am feeling???
I want to be hugged. I seriously need one now........
 And what is supposed to be more important for a person: family, career, friendship or love? Now this is indeed a very difficult question. And why do peoples' minds change with time? And does time really heals? and is there really any future???? I mean it's just that we are passing a day and a night, and then we pair these two up and call it an entire day, then when we cross one of these, we call it yesterday and now that i am writing this, it is the present and tomorrow that everyone says no one knows, what is this tomorrow????
And what if someone knew what tomorrow will be like?? Only matter of "if"s are arousing in my mind right now.Then what is the reality??WHOM am i suppose to believe and trust?

   And I don't know why my eyes are full of tears.........

don't mess with the new world..it'll get tragic. .

hey everyone......you know at time.....you feel like saying a lot but the words don't really come to you.....adjusting to a whole new p[ace i quite hard...but i am so use to it now.....seems like child's play to me.......but the good part about it i that you get stronger.....anyway here is my new recording....

http://www.4shared.com/audio/IC1N1i-i/ad_umbrella.html

do comment....

i am back...finally....

hey everyone...i am back on net finally..........but now will be blogging less coz of new projects..........

seventh heaven!!!!!

seventh heaven!!!!
i am so damn happy today!!!!!!i am finally leaving rajasthan!!!!!!!~!!!feels like in the seventh heaven...i dont have words today....so i am signing off today..............
tik tok by kesha plays in mind today......... =)

God bless India...

i was listening to rang de basanti songs..........i cant believe i was crying!!!!! those songs, i mean i cant express it.i feel this strong wind storm inside my heart.that pressure inside me...it was too much. i write songs when i fell bad, about all the bad times. then the people who wrote those songs, what mind do they have!!!!! what intense feeling must they have had.
i am proud to be an Indian. i really am. i thank all the leaders who have helped us to be free. i am lucky to have been born today- the free India.
so many people died. so many wives cried. so many mothers carried their dead bleeding child in their arms. so many fathers had seen their daughters being raped in front of their eyes............
i always use to say that i hate Mahatma Gandhi. how could i be so cheap minded???i mean i dont even know that person well..........then who the hell am i to even say that i hate him????I WAS WRONG. he was a great man. all the leaders were great men and women.
i will never, ever forget this feeling i had today. my heart for the first time felt the chill of true patriotism for my own country.i literally felt as if i was seeing all those henus scenes in front of my eyes.it was like i had my hands tied and i couldnt do a thing. i am sorry for every little bad feeling that i had for my country God. although i was small and just commented on things.but today the feeling that i had...............it was revolutionary.tremendous it was.
believe me.....i couldnt gulp a thing.i cried like hell just listening to those songs. i clouldnt swallow my own salaiva. and people who think this is over reaction or something, please my humble request to those, dont visit my blog coz u dont belong here......
i feel weak. i knew it already.but today it is proved again. that music can take you anywhere, to heaven, its up to you, to hell, that too up to you. i mean it is the only thing that makes you cry for someone else if you really feel it.
its like you can feel someone else's feelings.
even though i am taking deep breaths right now, i need time to settle.my heart need to settle..i am a whole new person.cant say new but a lot better me with the sense of my wrongs.......
God, give me music.........

there are songs that makes you cry and there are songs that makes you remember times n help you relive moments...even if you don't want to.......here without you by three doors is making me shed tears.....i miss a lot of things....
you know there are a lot of untold stories....lots of misunderstandings...which are never to be told nor to be cleared.......everyone has their dark side..i too do so..........its just that it literally pains in my heart to remember few things..........i lived my life n enjoyed so much when i was beck there in Ajmer.....few friends are still in contact......i still cry thinking of those times...it meant just so much to me........i mean i spent my peak years there.........still now while writing this...i feel like someone's just stabbing my heart right in the middle of it..............
today i join my hands n bend my head in front of one of the most knows relationships-friendship......
its really hard to find real friends now a days...but i thank God for atleast letting me live that moment...even if it was very short lived.................
three doors' here without you....is playing n making my heart shrink............