Realization

Realization
By-Adrija gupta


Though my own life has barely started,
At times my own mind plays games.
Games that I don’t really understand,
Games that makes me ashamed.

I must confess, I am not perfect.
Nor am I good, nor am I bad.
This mind game has hanged me in between,
Alas! I feel blue and sad!

Could it be a simple mistake?
That I make every time?
Or is it really a big illusion,
To the people that I am kind?

So many times I find myself in darkness,
My mind and thoughts so black.
As black as black ebony.
Makes me feel, its happiness that I lack.

But slowly as time passes by,
I realize that I am stronger.
Much of what I remember now,
There are dozen reasons behind my anger.

One question that troubles me the most
The question unanswerable,
The question so spooky,
Makes me gulp and see my deeds.

Am I really bad?
Not exactly a spoilt child I’ve been.
At times truth seems clad,
It’s the state of mind I’ve always been in.

Though I’m rude time and again.
I speak ill right in front of them.
Use to be in dark and cry,
Now these reasons seem so lame.

I admit I have been wrong my mother!
And father, I have been rude.
And brother, even though I love you so,
All the love I have failed to show.

Should I be hanged?
Or should I be crushed?
What I deserve,
You tell me God.

I ‘m happy I played a mother to you,
My sweet beloved brother,
I’m happy that I am stronger,
Even though I struggled for bread and butter.

The tender touch of your hand, O mother,
When I laid on the bed,
Burning like fire.
Now, happy tears I shed.

Father, all the statements that I have cut,
I took time to realize,
The slap I got for my love,
I realized, you were right.

All the way through these years,
What I have grown up to be,
I was nothing but mere clay.
You all made me, you see.

I am proud of what I am now,
Trying my best to make you smile.
I know I have dozen faults,
Yet I know I’ll succeed and cross the Nile.

All I am together, daughter, friend, sister.
And someday, maybe lover.
One thing I have learned to do,
The tears are for me to cover.

After all this time I realized,
That I am happy the way I am.
I’ll never be able to payback my bearers.
It’s just the way it has to be.
Parents, you made me what I am, you see……